This is me.
I don’t usually struggle to find words to say. If anything, I talk too much. I thrive on making new friends, talking to strangers in foreign countries, and having long conversations with loved ones. But for so long I’ve struggled to find the simplest words to say: I’m not straight.
It’s crazy that just a few words can be so difficult to verbalize. The first time I said them aloud, I was shaking with fear. Fear of how my loved ones would react, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown. There really isn’t a guide to do this – no template with the words to say, when to do so, and what it feels like. Growing up I didn’t see characters like me on TV or in movies. How do you possibly come to terms with your sexuality when you have no basis to compare to?
My high school had very few out kids, and the ones who were didn’t enjoy the easiest life. College made me feel a little more comfortable, but I’d still hear derogatory comments like “that’s so gay”, and that certainly didn’t help. Though we’ve come a long way toward acceptance and equality, we still really do have a ways to go. It wasn’t until my adult life started that I really felt like I could fully be myself. It helps that I have an incredibly supportive family and friend group, work at the most LGBT-friendly corporation in America, and live in an amazingly tolerant city. It wouldn’t be so simple if all of these things weren’t true.
You’ve all known me as a smiley, confident guy always up for a good time, but for a long time there’s been pain behind my laugh. Though I’ve certainly faced my share of hardship and confusion on this subject, I’ve come to realize that I shouldn’t have to lose sleep over such a small fact about myself. I’ve never defined myself by my sexuality, and don’t want to be. It’s been too long that I’ve lived a life hiding a part of me from those I care about and new friends I meet along the way.
So here I am, authentically me. I really haven’t changed- I’m still the goofy, happy-go-lucky guy you’ve always known. I just choose to openly love who I love, unapologetically.
