Navigating the coming out process while traveling abroad.
One year ago I came out to the world, loud and proud. It was a life-changing decision that I’m so happy I made. Before posting, I had already been out to many family members and friends but there were many that didn’t know. I was in a fairly comfortable bubble living in Columbus, Ohio where LGBTQ+ people are quite accepted.
As difficult as it was to tell my loved ones, posting online made me feel extremely vulnerable. That being said, I felt that I owed it to my extended friends and family to share the truth. When writing the post, I must have gone through editing my words at least 20 times. I was constantly rewording it, starting from scratch, and over-analyzing every single sentence. I felt that it had to be perfect to a fault. It was more stressful than any exam or essay that I had done before.
After finally feeling as though the post was finished, it took me over a week to work up the courage to publish it. A million thoughts raced through my frazzled brain. I wondered if people would reject me. If I would be treated differently. Would my life change entirely? After these crippling thoughts quelled, I finally worked up the courage to press “enter”. And just like that, my truth was out into the world – no going back.
What happened next was so incredibly better than I ever expected. I received an outpouring of love from all corners of the world. People I hadn’t spoken to in years reached out with respect and kindness. Though I wasn’t expecting people to post hateful comments, I didn’t think I would receive such positive sentiments. It was a huge relief and I honestly had never felt better. Sharing this part of me that I had kept hidden for so long was like taking off an immense weight off my shoulders.
Now fast forward to early 2019. I’m preparing for my big trip across the world. My bags are packed, I’ve done my share of research, and I’m feeling fairly prepared. Little did I know I’d have to prepare to come out… over and over again while traveling. I was about to leave the bubble that I had so easily lived in, surrounded by those who knew and loved every part of me. I was heading to unknown cultures and would be meeting people from all over the world. Needless to say I was a bit terrified – back to where I started before coming out.
I didn’t know what to expect while abroad as I hadn’t traveled internationally since coming out, much less on my own. In the back of my head I knew that plenty of countries have their share of homophobia and conservative values. As of now, I can only marry a man in 27 countries. That might seem like a decent number, but when you put into perspective that there are 195 countries in the world, that means my future marriage would only be recognized in 14% of them. With this being said, I wasn’t sure how others would feel from other countries, and I dreaded having to navigate the coming out process all over again. I’d hate for something as small as my sexuality to affect a friendship with someone I met on the road.
To make things more complicated, it’s not easy to slip the whole coming out conversation into everyday talks. It’s not like I’m going to introduce myself like “Hey, I’m Ian. Oh and also, I like guys!” I usually have to get to know someone, assess how they might feel towards LGBT+ people from our conversations, and then finally bring it up. Even then, it still feels like a bit of a risk. There’s a sort of tension that I feel when I do. I’m carefully choosing every word, as if one wrong word could change the outcome.
It’s a frustrating process to have to go through over and over again. It’s exhausting and quite frankly I get sick of it. I dream of the day that sexuality isn’t assumed. Where people don’t have to worry about hiding who they love to friends they make. Though we’re getting there as a society, there’s still so much room for improvement.
While I do constantly worry about what strangers and new friends might think, I’m grateful that so far I’ve only been treated with kindness and open minds. Meeting people from all over the world and being accepted is truly an incredible feeling. And while the whole process might be frustrating, it’s worth it to reach a deeper level of friendship with these amazing people I meet on the road.
I wanted to write this post to give a bit of a deeper look into what it’s like to travel as an LGBTQ+ person. My Instagram feed may be all smiles and beautiful sights, but I still have a constant struggle to carry. That being said, I’m incredibly lucky to be from an accepting country. Not every traveler has this privilege. So as you make your way around the world, remember that each person is fighting their own battle. Keep that in mind as you meet others and spread positive energy and good vibes as you go.
