Insight on my coming out experience, having pride, and being LGBTQ in the US.
“Don’t hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you’re set.
I’m on the right track, baby,
I was born this way.”
Born this Way – Lady Gaga
I have to say, I used to hate this song. Not because it was poppy or overplayed on the radio. But because it screamed “I’M QUEER!” Before coming out, I tended to distance myself from anything remotely LGBT oriented. I shied away from theater because it was “gay” and avoided anything too feminine. Someone politely asked me once if I liked men and I quickly said no and changed the subject. I was in no way proud of who I am, and had so much self-questioning that it was painful.
But why did I do all of these things? I had no true religious bias against homosexuality. My parents never said a homophobic slur. Truth be told: I was afraid of what I knew was deep down inside me, and I had no exposure to the LGBTQ community. My hometown had no Pride parade until the year I graduated high school. I had no idea that June was Pride month. I didn’t really know any openly gay people that weren’t made fun of or bullied.
However, over time I became exposed to amazing fictional characters that normalized queerness. Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky showed me characters who were complex, fun, loving, and gay. The book Hero by Perry Moore created a gay superhero coming to terms with his sexuality. The Office had Oscar, a masculine, funny, smart guy who just so happened to like men. Though these were great examples to learn from, I remember secretly reading Hero because I didn’t want anyone to think I was reading a book about a gay character. I was still nervous to accept who I was.
But, over time I started to have more exposure to positive stories of queerness. Glee showed me that being gay and bi in high school can be hard, but finding love is worth it. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon let me into the world of a man struggling with his sexuality in the 1940’s. I discovered Call Me By Your Name and Simon vs. the Homosapiens Agenda (of which Love, Simon is based on), which showed love stories of very real people who I could relate to. Though not all of these characters had happy endings, I could still find common ground with them. I related to the difficulties they had in finding themselves, the struggle toward acceptance, and the need to be open about who they love.
All of the above are fantastic works of fiction that I highly recommend you read and watch – but I really don’t mean this to be a piece simply suggesting good LGBT fiction. I simply want to show how the more people that share their stores of queerness with the world, the better. These stories gave me refuge in a confusing part of my life, when I didn’t have too many other examples to give. If I didn’t have them, I honestly don’t know that I’d be the happy, openly out man I am today.
As I became more comfortable with my sexual identity, I became open to some of the amazing things that the LGBTQ community has. One of these is Pride month. Every year in June, there are celebrations all over to celebrate loving whoever you want and being proud of who you are. Columbus is one of the most LGBTQ friendly cities in the world and it’s amazing to see the Pride parade full of rainbow-clad walkers, families, and love. It’s practically a holiday around here and the joy in the air is practically tangible.
It hasn’t always been like this in the US, however. It was illegal in many states to make love as a same-sex couple until 2003 in the Supreme Court decision of Lawrence vs. Texas. We couldn’t get married until 2015. Imagine living your entire life without the right to marry the one you love. It’s unthinkable, but these and other discriminatory, homophobic laws still are present in countries around the world. I’m incredibly lucky that I was born a cisgender white male who can “pass” as straight. In 2017, at least 28 transgender people in the US were murdered- the most ever recorded. Sadly, black trans women are often the targets of such hate crimes. Tragedies like these are why we need pride. To make known our struggles as a community, to show that we only want to love who we want to and be ourselves.
There are still many people who question why we have Pride month. They say “why isn’t there a Straight Pride month?” or “stop rubbing it in my face”. To be frank, I used to have similar thoughts myself. I didn’t get why gay people had to be so full of rainbows and so expressive of their sexuality. But now that I’m out, I realize the importance of sharing my story and sexuality with the world. When I first came out, I had several people message me asking for advice on how to tell family and friends. I had no idea that these people were struggling like I had been for so long. I wasn’t even close with some of them. But it helped me to realize that the more vocal I was, the more rainbows I wear, and the more accepting I become of my own queerness, the more I can help others.
So, here I am today, A proud member of my LGBTQ family and lover of all. And although Pride month might be seen as exclusively to the queer community, it’s meant to be a time for gay, bi, trans, straight, and everyone in-between to come together. I share my story in hopes to create more understanding, more love, and help anyone who may be struggling to find someone to look up to. So cheers to being born this way and being proud as hell.
